Blossom Returns: Challenges Make Life Sweeter

Sorry for the lack of posts. I can’t believe that much time went by… get ready for a MONSTER post!

I had an incredible but stressful last month or two, and before I went away to Bali this past weekend, it was starting to feel like that ball of anxiety in my chest was the size of a basketball.

I have had quite a number of serious things to process and I have been focusing my free time trying to research and adapt my life to the new changes, and to reduce the little ball of stress and anxiety that has taken residence in my chest. In the last year, I have made it a point to always try to think of anything that happens from a positive perspective, but it just took a a bit longer to actually reach that point this time. Blogging just took a backseat as I tried to come to terms with all this stuff and regain a positive outlook on life.

Don’t get me wrong, the stress hasn’t necessarily been about BAD things. In fact, looking back on it, I can see how all that anxiety and worry came out to produce a lot of great, positive changes in my life! At the time though, the challenges seemed insurmountable and life kind of unfair. I can be quite the drama queen when I want to be…

Let the updates begin!

First, I ran my first 2 hour half marathon at the Army Half Marathon with a finishing time of 2:00:01! It was a personal record that I had been DREAMING of but didn’t think I could achieve… at least not this quickly! I guess all of the training for the upcoming Newton 32k challenge, the 4am wakeups every Sunday for long runs (21km doesn’t even count as a REAL long run anymore!), and the mentoring of Chief Mike, the leader of my running group, has really paid off!

I followed that PB (personal best) up with another one only two weeks later, completing my first sub-1 hour 10k at the Mizuno Wave 10k with a finishing time of 58:30!

Some of that stress I mentioned came from the knee and back pain I started experiencing after the Army Half Marathon. Crazy person that I am, I had signed up for the 10k race two Sundays after the army half marathon, and I ran it even though my knee was hurting. I have a feeling it made it worse, but I have never had a DNF (do not finish) on a race and I wasn’t about to start then! The coolest part of the whole thing was that even though it felt like I limped through kilometers 6 and 7 (that finishers rush hit me at the last kilometer or so, and I forgot about the knee pain), I still managed to achieve my first ever sub one hour 10k in 58:30!

I have spent so many weeks running 25k+ on sundays that I didn’t really think that I needed to really give my legs a couple of days of rest after just 21k and, well, I paid the price! My left knee was in a fair bit of pain for WEEKS, but I kept on running on it, convincing myself that I was just getting lazy and coming up with excuses. I was subconsciously compensating for the pain in my left knee and the pain started to spread to my right knee, right hip and lower back.

It wasn’t until it got so bad I couldn’t even run my 8k weekday short runs without really wanting to stop that I knew I needed to do something about it. My inability to complete one of our key 30k training runs was the final shocker that had me getting TWO massages within two days. While I was in Bali for the weekend, I went for a full body massage with my new friends, the lovely Toop sisters from Adelaide. My back was in such bad shape, the poor guy never got past my back and it was basically an hour and a half of OUCH with an audible CRACK or POP coming from some part of my back every five minutes. My legs still needed their share of TLC,  and I ended up going to a sports masseuse in Singapore the next night. I was VERY lucky that the masseuse is very dedicated to her job and that I was the last slot of the day because the hour slot that I booked ended up growing into two hours of pain focused solely on my legs. Apparently I had a ‘crystal’ in my left calf and Pauline had to bring her ‘master’, John, in to crack it for me. It was really painful and there was a ‘pop’ when it finally cracked.

It was worth all the pain because when I went running again on Wednesday, I was able to keep up a 5:30/km for 9k without any serious pain! I still have some soreness in the right side of my back and i felt a bit of pain in my right knee towards the end, but it was totally bearable, a great improvement from how i was feeling before the massage.

I took better care of myself after the Wednesday run and finally KILLED the last of the pain on Friday as my trainer, Ivan, brought his foam roller to our session and taught me how all about myofascia release so that I don’t end up in this position ever again!

The two massages and the foam rolling definitely did the trick, because I managed to complete the 32k run this past Sunday in 3 hours 37 minutes with the rest of my running group, 7 minutes ahead of our original time goal!

I’m pretty sure I’m not the first runner to dismiss physical pain as mental weakness until it got serious. When you run long distances, you grow accustomed to a certain amount of pain. When you are running that far, your body is bound to experience some degree of pain, and so much of running is about MIND OVER BODY that you get really good at pushing through physical discomfort until you reach your goal. In my opinion, this is something any aspiring marathoner needs to master. I think this is why I have always thought of running as a kind of MEDITATION IN MOTION. You start running and slowly everything else leaves your mind and, on really great runs, the rhythmical padding of your feet on the ground is like the metronome keeping you focused, keeping the external world out, so that you can focus on whatever if going on inside your own head.

I think there is something beautiful in this that keeps me coming back to running time and time again. I imagine its something not just runners but swimmers and other athletes can relate to. The thing we all have to remember is that if we want to keep enjoying our sport for years to come, we still need to take good care of our bodies! We need to learn when it’s time to pay attention to the physical complains, and to STOP, take a break. I’m still working on finding this balance, and on not feeling guilty when I listen to the physical and decide enough is enough.

ANYWAYS. Back to the sources of that basketball of stress that took up residence in my chest the last couple of months! I got the the results from the food intolerance and blood tests that my nutritionist sent out. The blood test results came back and it feels like I’m intolerant to just about everything… It’s almost funny how limited my diet is. My nutritionist says its a condition called Leaky Gut Syndrome, but whatever you want to call it, the end result is the same. My intolerance list reads like my standard grocery list. The first time I read the list, I was speechless because it seemed like everything I normally ate was listed there.

I was forced to give up being vegan, and it has been hard having my personal beliefs and values conflict with my eating habits and the things I must for my health. It’s also become very hard to socialize because it’s very hard to eat out, and it’s not like nice restaurants let people bring in their own food. You wouldn’t think language would be a barrier, but a lot of the restaurants here don’t understand what I mean when I say I can’t have anything cooked with basil, rosemary, paprika, garlic or lemon… Not to mention the plethora of other things I’m intolerant to.

Vegan seems downright EASY in comparison to bring a dairy free, egg free, gluten free, wheat/millet/rye/quinoa free (basically any grain other than rice and buckwheat, plus corn and potato is out, even if it’s gluten free), soy free and bean free. Plus, I’m intolerant to a lot of fruit and vegetables, including the nightshade vegetables (tomato, eggplant, peppers), all salad greens except Swiss chard, Spinach and Rocket, the common veggies like carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, cucumber and celery, and all of the traditional fruits we find in the west (berries, apples, nectarines, oranges, pineapple, kiwi) and a couple really random things like avocado.

They tested me for 180 different foods, and I was intolerant to 90 of them. The other 90 include all the edible different meats and fishes, so if you ignore those (I wish I could), you really aren’t left with much. I’m basically left with fungi, starchy veggies/roots (except carrot), most nuts and seeds, spinach, winter squashes (squash and pumpkin)  Swiss chard, rice, buckwheat and corn. It’s not really the basis for a healthy diet… More a high carb, high protein diet.

This brings me to point of stress number three, which further limits my diet. I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune condition called Hashimotos Thyroiditis. Basically, my body is a bit confused and is attacking my thyroid, causing inflammation. The thyroid is part of your endocrine system  and is in charge of regulating your hormones, which related to a wide variety of different functions throughout the body. Your thyroid is charge of everything from your metabolism, to your heart rate and how your body uses the food you eat. From what I understand, it’s pretty common for people with Hashimotos to also have type I diabetes, Celiacs disease or Leaky Gut Syndrome (my nutritionist says that I have this last one, which is why I’m intolerant to everything).  Hashimotos is generally is found in women and tends to run in families. It’s the most common causes of hypothyroidism (when your body doesn’t make enough hormones for the body’s needs) but unlike other cases of hypothyroidism, if left untreated, it will eventually destroy your thyroid gland.

too funny not to put in here!

There are a whole set of fun symptoms associated with Hashimotos, and while some people will remain asymptomatic (at least until it causes serious hypothyroidism), I was lucky enough to have most of the symptoms. I’m actually not being completely sarcastic when I say that I am REALLY LUCKY that I was symptomatic, because it pushed me (at the insistent urging of my mom..love you mama) to keep seeing doctors and getting tests to figure out what was wrong with me. Even though I was dismissed by doctor after doctor, we knew the things I was experiencing weren’t normal, and mom kept trying to find someone who could help me. I’m so grateful to her and to my nutritionist for actually taking me seriously and sending me for the blood tests that eventually led to my diagnosis. I went to an endocrinologist for a second opinion too, so there are no doubts.

In a way, it’s nice to know exactly what is going on with my body. I have control and focus now. There may not be a pill or treatment that can cure me, but through my diet restrictions and the plethora of supplements I have been put on, I can actively do something to improve my quality of life. I’ve never been a fan of western medicine anyways, so I’m pretty happy that nobody is trying to stuff me to the gills with medication! There is a ton of research that I still have to do in order to truly understand what my diagnosis means, but I love learning new things and I’m enjoying this new ‘research project’.

Anyways! After spending the past month or so in total STRESS mode, I went to Bali for the weekend and left most of that basketball of stress behind. I came back feeling more peaceful, positive and rejuvenated. I guess a change of scenery and a day on the beach was exactly what I needed!

Bali was great. I got to spend time with some of my favorite people, make new friends, listen to a couple of really fascinating talks, get in some much needed beach/tanning time (with SPF of course!) and party by the beach til the early morning.

Over the last couple of weeks since my diagnosis, I have gotten better at feeding myself. I think I ate nothing but canned sardines, rice, spinach, mushrooms and pumpkin in a giant stir fry for the first two weeks. I got bored of having that got lunch and dinner every day pretty fast… It’s still my staple go-to meal, but I’ve gotten more creative and come up with some recipes of my own since then! I’m probably going to do more on recipes so that other people dealing with lots of intolerances and/or Hashimotos can feel less limited by their diet. I’m thinking much more positively about my new diet. I have realized that it’s kind of like having to eat gluten-free Thanksgiving dinner or leftovers every day (minus the pies at the end… but I CAN make dark chocolate gluten free vegan cake or pumpkin bars!). I can think of an awful lot of people who would happily eat Thanksgiving dinner every day!

Anyways, I’m back in action and feeling great about my life! Gone is the stress out “poor me” attitude I have been rocking this last month. I am taking charge of my life and my diagnosis, thanking my lucky stars they caught it early when it is totally manageable, before it even became hypothyroidism, and focusing on not letting these  changes slow me down or stop me from achieving my goals, like the October 32k and December full marathon I am training for!

Here’s my positive take on why the last two months have actually been AWESOME, and I really had no reason to feel so stressed.

1. I hit TWO  THREE PERSONAL RECORDS in running. First, my two hour finishing time for the 21km distance. Second, my 58 minute finishing time for the 10k distance. Third, my new distance record completing 32k.

2. Getting injured taught me a very important lesson about listening to my body and knowing its limits. I think I will become a better running as a result. I plan on incorporating more stretching and yoga into my regular routine, and plan on making monthly visits to the sports masseuse Pauline to make sure all my muscles are happy. I’m also planning on looking to getting myself a foam roller for Christmas. While I was injured, I also started doing a bit of freestyle laps in the pool and rediscovered what a great workout that is! Another thing I would like to incorporate into my weekly exercise regimen.

3. Now that I have been diagnosed with Hashimotos and know exactly what I am intolerant to, I can begin to better understand what is wrong with my body, and work to fix it so that the frustrating symptoms like the headaches, acne, bloating, mind fog and persistent exhaustion (and all my other fun symptoms) will begin to go away! Already, the acne and bloating have gotten a LOT better. The doctor says the rest will take time, but I have lived with these symptoms for so long I don’t really know what it’s like to operate without them and I am already enjoying life as is, so while it will be AMAZING to experience life without this stuff, I’m going to do just fine in the meantime.

4. I may have a limited diet, but at least what I have left resembles the favorite meal of many Americans…Thanksgiving! Furthermore, this is just TEMPORARY. My nutritionist says that I should regain the ability to eat most fruits and vegetables in a couple of months. I go for my next intolerance test in November. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that tomatoes, basil and the other basic vegetables make it back onto the ‘tolerance’ list. In the meantime, I will just thank my lucky stars that I am living in Asia where, in moments of extreme emergency hunger, I can ALWAYS get my hands on a bowl of rice or a banana for really, really cheap. It’s also much easier to be garlic-free over here because buddhist vegetarians don’t take garlic, so people don’t look at you like you are totally MENTAL when you say you are allergic to garlic (nobody gets the difference between severe intolerance and allergy so it’s just easier to say allergy). Allergy to rosemary, basil and lemon still gets me the ‘you HAVE to be kidding’ response, but at the point, it’s just amusing to see the reactions.

5.  Limitations will make me a better cook! Just like how veganism introduced me to new foods, the Hashimotos/Leaky Gut diet will too! It’s a welcome challenge to my creativity. You guys can definitely look forward to some fun recipes from me! I know there are LOTS of people out there struggling with the same of similar sets of dietary restrictions and autoimmune diseases, and I will happily share any ways I find to make living with it feel less restrictive and more fun.

6. I don’t have to stay a carnivore forever, or totally sacrifice my beliefs. I have chosen to continue to refrain from beef and pork, and I stick to small fish or sustainably farmed fish as much as possible. I may have to eat meat, but that doesn’t mean I have to throw out everything I learned about the environmental impact of a carnivorous diet in the mean time! The one red meat I DO eat is lamb because my nutritionist strongly recommended adding it to my diet for diversity. She assured me that it is a very ‘clean’ meat. I have only eaten it once so far, because I haven’t done my own research on how ‘clean’ it really is, but we will see…

The best news is that my endocrinologist and nutritionist have said, in the long term, as my list of intolerances decreases, I SHOULD be able to return to veganism! Once I regain the ability to eat vegetables and beans, I’m going to follow up with them on this.

I really loved being vegan. Two days into the diet, I KNEW that it was the right fit for me. Emotionally, I felt more at peace with myself, more confident and proud of my lifestyle than I had before. Right now, I need to put my own health first, but I the long run, I REALLY hope that I get to really return to Veganism for the long run. Nothing has felt so right, so natural, and my body has never felt so CLEAN. Putting the physical aside, it’s emotionally an incredibly satisfying way to live.

To all of those people out there struggling with stress and anxiety in their life, no matter how big or small the challenges may seem, don’t be afraid to put yourself first and take the time to do what YOU need to do to clear your mind and regain a sense of peace and positivity in your life. Don’t sit around waiting for happiness or good things to happen to you. Go out there and CREATE it for yourself.